Mothers Day

I posted something on instagram and Facebook yesterday (Mother's Day) and it received a lot of love so I figured I would post it here too :)

I come from a long line of abuse.

A family full of violence, drug abuse, manipulation, gas-lighting, alcoholism, and mental illness.

I could have gone down the same path as those before me, the same path as several of my siblings. I could be an entirely different person than who I am today. Though I have made countless mistakes and mis-steps, the cycle of abuse ends with me.

My children will not see what I saw. 
They will not endure what I had to endure. 
They will be born into a life of love, traditions, closeness, and above all, happiness and comfort.

Here's to the mothers who have overcome the odds. 
To the mothers who end their own families cycles of abuse. 
And to the mother I hope to become one day.

I am almost 25 years old, and this is the first year I think I have had a /somewhat/ happy Mother's Day. 

I still spent most of the day crying, but it was a different kind of sadness. 

This year, instead of feeling sorry for myself that I 'didn't have a mother' – I felt sad that I don't live closer to my mother and couldn't take her out to brunch. Earlier this year I was able to travel to Southern California (I live in Washington) and was able to reconnect with my mother and form an actual relationship with her as an adult. I have never before wished my mother a Happy Mother's Day because I spent my whole life truly believing that my mother didn't want me because of my abusive father's lies. 

Being able to connect with her, and talk to her about what really happened when I was a kid was truly life changing. I only knew the stories through my father's manipulative filter. But now that I know her personally, as an adult, I can see that she was just a victim of circumstance, abuse, and anxiety. That it wasn't her fault we didn't have a relationship, and that she did her best. 

In light of my newfound relationship with my mother, here are some pics of her and me as a baby. 

Happy Mother's Day, I love you mom.